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Writing helps me relieve stress.
Go ahead and judge my writing skills, not what I write about.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Last Night.

The cold wind brushes against her shoulder leaving chills down her spine. She is in deep thought with a million things circling in and around her mind. Nothing of remorse or regret. Rather, the unsettling and unfamiliar feeling of resentment. She feels pain flowing within her making her feel unnecessary hatred. For whom the hatred is aimed at, even she is uncertain. She shuts her eyes, pressing her eyelids together tightly, trying to get rid of these unwanted, threatening thoughts.

"How can everything go wrong at once?" she asks herself out loud. Considering the chances of going insane, she begins to get even more frustrated than she was to begin with. The wind pants like a dog from the fan above her head. Even silence can't meet her requests. She thinks of everything that burns this hole of stress into her. Her best friend is sick and her parents are ruining her life. Her other friend is stressing out because her best friend is ill. Another friend is a complete drug addict - much like all her acquaintances that she has dealt with but much worse. She'll never meet the boy who makes her heart prance, or rather she is too afraid to. The boy she is gained interest in won't speak to her. Several friends she longs to speak to are miles away or drifting but not because of physical distance. She's scared of how the next few weeks will turn out. Her grandparents are ill. Her parents don't understand her. Her brother is trying to annoy the life out of her. She's drowned in stress for the most important things are all happening this year and if they don't go well, there goes her future.

The weather hasn't helped much either. Sure, it's nice and windy. Her favorite, actually. Except when it's raining. It's like as if God collected buckets of water and finally decided Singapore's too hot and wanted to make up for all of it at one go. It makes her miss India. Her room, especially. Small but the perfect size for her. Closet, bathroom, desk, and a queen-size bed right next to a big window where she loved to sit next to when it rained. Her little haven where she could self reflect and write, write her lyrics. Her little method of releasing emotions that could not be spoken. It reminds her of having to move out of there, a place she loved and always will, which results in reminding her that she's moving again.

Singapore wasn't her favorite place, obviously, but she was starting to get used to it. The thought of getting her own room and not having to share it with her brother was probably the only upside of moving this time around. The only one she could think of at least. She felt independent here, even though her parents barely ever allowed her out. And if they did, she always had to be back home by dinner time. Any later, she was never allowed out ever again. It always also so easy making friends here and the next place already seemed terrible and she dreaded moving there. Her friends kept brigning it up, saying they were upset. Seemed like they wanted to make sure she was too. She'd never show it though. The tears push against the walls of inside of her, begging for some sort of release. She just smiles, even while her eyes are frozen.

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