What I do in math tuition.

I saw a cloud cross the sky this morning.
Looked like the one we saw last spring.
When we went to the park and lay down on the grass.
Disappointed that the stars had left.

But that didn’t stop me from falling in love.
For the first time, with no other but you.
Now that you’re gone, I still think about you.
And I’ll never be able to let go of what we had.

I go back to that night, the one I wish I’d forget.
When we yelled at shut-tight doors that stood between us.
It was the first time I ever heard you cry.
But I never got a chance to wipe the tears off your face.
Cuz the dead silence was what reassured me.
You’d left and we never said goodbye.

The things you bought me still lie next to me.
On the desk, next to my bed.
Each having their own little memory.
I always wonder if you ever think of me.

I cried myself to sleep for weeks.
And my heart still has a knife straight through it.
My world was a fantasy when I had you.
But now I’m nothing without you.

I go back to that night, the one I wish I’d forget.
When we yelled at shut-tight doors that stood between us.
It was the first time I ever heard you cry.
But I never got a chance to wipe the tears off your face.
Cuz the dead silence was what reassured me.
You’d left and we never said goodbye.

I still talk to your friends, just to ask how you are.
I still look out for our shooting star.
Have you ever thought of coming back?
Just to hold me close, one more time.

Cuz that night, I just can’t seem to forget.
When we yelled at shut-tight doors that stood between us.
It was the first time I ever heard you cry.
But I never got a chance to wipe the tears off your face.
Cuz the dead silence was what reassured me.
You’d left and we never said goodbye.

"It's cute."

Though he's never met her in real life, he talks to her like he's known her his whole life. She does the same, letting out every emotion that she's ever encountered and pouring everything she has into his hands. Memories, none she created with him, she now entrusted with him. No longer belonging to her, but to the both of them. They trust each other, a trust they don't deny but have no idea where it came from. Unlike anyone else she's met in her life, she feels content just by seeing his face. Through a computer screen, if that's all that is possible.

From the day they were both introduced, by a friend that they had met at different times, they spoke. They spoke whenever they could - calling each other up and listening to the sound of each other's voices. Despite the time differences and physical barrier of distance, they always made time for each other. They had the same schedule when it came to breaks, and even when he left the country he was in - to new time zone - he would still find a way to contact her. In all ways it was a forbidden love. They only shared words together. Speaking all their thoughts and any troubles they had in mind. It was pure innocence and honesty. It was something special but it couldn't progress further than that.

Living in two separate worlds, it was difficult. They talked as often as they could and eventually began exchanging the three words they both thought they'd never mean to each other, but they finally believed they did. He'd never physically seen her or touched her with his bare hands, but he'd hurt her and she'd hurt him too. Of course being teenagers, they had their own little interests in school and such. However, nothing was comparable to what they had. Yet the mentioning of other girls or boys entering their lives was harmful. Still, they allowed it but they hurt deeply inside. They were jealous, and they both knew, but they let things slide.

Now, the connection isn't as strong as it was before. They can take days off and not speak to each other. They don't do it on purpose but now they've got new time zones and more hectic schedules. But just one conversation can light up sparks and bring everything back to where they left it. Though the connection isn't as strong, no matter how dead the lines between them are (momentarily) - the connection never dies. It lives within them and up until today, she still thinks about him. And when he randomly comments on something that she says every now and then, the words he says sends her heart prancing around her body and she's the happiest person in the world.

Ever fallen in love? I haven't. Not yet at least. I've dreamt of it. But I don't think I've ever experienced it. I sometimes scare myself in thinking I never will. But what you just read, I think that's pretty close. The only thing is - if you were in that girls place, would you want to meet that boy? Or would you want to keep this as a memory and never meet in him in fear of ruining this whole fantasy you've been enjoying and loving every moment of? What would you risk? Something more or nothing less?

Last Night.

The cold wind brushes against her shoulder leaving chills down her spine. She is in deep thought with a million things circling in and around her mind. Nothing of remorse or regret. Rather, the unsettling and unfamiliar feeling of resentment. She feels pain flowing within her making her feel unnecessary hatred. For whom the hatred is aimed at, even she is uncertain. She shuts her eyes, pressing her eyelids together tightly, trying to get rid of these unwanted, threatening thoughts.

"How can everything go wrong at once?" she asks herself out loud. Considering the chances of going insane, she begins to get even more frustrated than she was to begin with. The wind pants like a dog from the fan above her head. Even silence can't meet her requests. She thinks of everything that burns this hole of stress into her. Her best friend is sick and her parents are ruining her life. Her other friend is stressing out because her best friend is ill. Another friend is a complete drug addict - much like all her acquaintances that she has dealt with but much worse. She'll never meet the boy who makes her heart prance, or rather she is too afraid to. The boy she is gained interest in won't speak to her. Several friends she longs to speak to are miles away or drifting but not because of physical distance. She's scared of how the next few weeks will turn out. Her grandparents are ill. Her parents don't understand her. Her brother is trying to annoy the life out of her. She's drowned in stress for the most important things are all happening this year and if they don't go well, there goes her future.

The weather hasn't helped much either. Sure, it's nice and windy. Her favorite, actually. Except when it's raining. It's like as if God collected buckets of water and finally decided Singapore's too hot and wanted to make up for all of it at one go. It makes her miss India. Her room, especially. Small but the perfect size for her. Closet, bathroom, desk, and a queen-size bed right next to a big window where she loved to sit next to when it rained. Her little haven where she could self reflect and write, write her lyrics. Her little method of releasing emotions that could not be spoken. It reminds her of having to move out of there, a place she loved and always will, which results in reminding her that she's moving again.

Singapore wasn't her favorite place, obviously, but she was starting to get used to it. The thought of getting her own room and not having to share it with her brother was probably the only upside of moving this time around. The only one she could think of at least. She felt independent here, even though her parents barely ever allowed her out. And if they did, she always had to be back home by dinner time. Any later, she was never allowed out ever again. It always also so easy making friends here and the next place already seemed terrible and she dreaded moving there. Her friends kept brigning it up, saying they were upset. Seemed like they wanted to make sure she was too. She'd never show it though. The tears push against the walls of inside of her, begging for some sort of release. She just smiles, even while her eyes are frozen.